Risks Worth Taking
by Megeen
Summary: Melendez and Lim getting back together that doesn't involve major drama or another death scare, so they gotta taaalk.
1. Chapter 1

Melendez knew that Dr. Lim wasn't in her office when he entered but he also knew that she'd get back eventually. She had to catch up the board about the most recent surgery mess-up. Fortunately, no one died this time but if Murphy hadn't noticed the pulmonary artery…

It would likely take a while for her to return so he sat down on the couch with some patient files to keep himself busy in the meantime.

There was probably a rule about people being in the chief's office unsupervised, but well, if her assistant was MIA… And there was probably another rule about people being unsupervised in their ex-girlfriend's office, but that was an issue he was planning to fix.

Sure, it was arrogant – he couldn't stand it when people called him that because what the hell did they expect him to respond to that – but he also knew that he needed determination and confidence and charm, which some people may misinterpret as arrogance, to win out against her very own brand of determination.

The door opened while Melendez was buried in the MRI scan on the iPad.

"Neil, what are," Audrey started surprised. He lifted his head and smirked at her, because she'd already slipped up on his name. If she had finished the question, he could get right to it, but she caught herself, straightened up and went on in her most professional mode. "Andrews is looking for you. He wants a consult on his patient with the ear reconstruction." He simultaneously admired her professionalism because it showed how good she was at this job and anything she set her mind to, and he hated it when it was directed at him.

"Someone would've paged me, so it can't be urgent," thank god nobody paged him. For a second, he saw the idea to set off a page flash through her eyes, but fortunately, she didn't back down from a challenge. He nodded his head to the seat next to him in invitation.

"This is my office," she said rolling her eyes.

"I'm aware," he smirked and gave her time to give in graciously and sit down while he busied himself with putting away the iPad.

Audrey sat down heavily, like the day's events, more like the last couple weeks, were catching up to her. She wasn't even involved in the surgery, she just had to defend his decisions to the board. "It's all ok. The pulmonary artery didn't show up on the scan. You caught it and fixed it. They didn't even ask follow up questions."

"Good. But that's not why I'm here," if this wasn't so important, he would enjoy seeing her fidget because it gave him an advantage.

"I love you," that's what it boiled down to. Straight to the point. "And I want to be happy, and I want you to be happy, and right now we're both pretty miserable." She was surprised at his bluntness, but it only managed to manifest the sadness in her eyes at their predicament.

"Neil, I don't know how," she started and trailed off.

"Between the two of us, I'm the cautious one, you're the daredevil badass," he smiled trying to get her to laugh. "How is it that our roles are reversed with this?" He was genuinely surprised about this, but he wasn't going to back down now. "I know you. So, I know that you've been thinking about why we broke up and the reasons you gave me aren't it. Our nature is nothing new," he reasoned.

"I got scared because I overshot my hand with Wren's case," she admitted after a second. "Surgery is always a risk. I love that thrill, but I never ever want to risk a patient's well-being," she avoided his eyes, ashamed of that realization. "I just trusted that you would back me up when it came down to it, and you did, but I couldn't have done that surgery by myself. But I promised I would. And I don't like that kind of hubris in myself. It terrifies me." Although they'd been together for a while, and Neil had known her for even longer, Audrey being vulnerable was still new to him. But this was progress, so he put his arm around her and leaned her against his side.

"Yeah, that's definitely not like you," he said and pressed a kiss against the side of her head. "You trusted that I would get over myself and come through. You trusted me more than yourself."

"No," she pushed back reflexively, but he leaned back to look her in the eye. "Fuck," she huffed out when it sank in. "That's so messed up." And along came another realization, "I trusted you to come through AND I was scared that you wouldn't at the same time. How messed up is that?"

This would likely stay in her mind for a while longer so he figured he might as well share some of his doubts as well.

"In the beginning, I had my doubts that we'd be able to make us work." He admitted sadly. "I wanted to, obviously, but I figured we were both too focused on ourselves… But we did make it work. It's in our nature to disagree and to fight for what we believe in. And we both want to be right, but except for the times we messed up, I thought we actually handled everything as well as anyone could expect. We mess up and it's stressful and conflicting, sure, but at the end of the day, I was happy I had you, and I know you were too." Audrey tried to avoid his eyes, but he could see that it sank in.

"I don't want you to give up your dream, and I don't need unconditional support from you. There's no such thing anyway. And we've never been objective about each other either. We're way too competitive, and I'll admit that at first, I thought maybe we were just relieving the tension we'd pent up for years. But it's more than that. And we can't stuff those feelings back in a box. I can't. And as much as I admire your focus in everything you do, you're even worse at it than me." He knew she prided herself on being excellent at whatever she tackled, but in the spirit of honesty… "We don't have to be perfect at being in a relationship to be in one," he continued.

"Fat chance of that happening," she quipped.

Neil snickered. "We just have to figure out our priorities and keep trying," he insisted. "I'd like to think that my top priority are the lives of my patients, and I know it's the same for you," it didn't even need saying; despite their different styles, that was a fundamental mindset they shared. "But it's insanely hard not to resent that when I know we would be so much happier being with each other at the same time."

"So, you think we focused more on each other and on being right instead of the patients?" she tried out the words that rang true. "How do we get past that?"

"How about we actively try *not* to make each other our top priorities but keep the patients up there. I love you, and you are my priority–that's why I'm here–but we don't have to try so hard to always keep each other happy. Even when we disagree, you make me happy, just being there, being you."

"It's that easy, huh?" she asked, but by the hope in her eyes, he could see that he was wearing her down.

"It's not, but I think that's where us both being surgeons is an asset. We both understand that conflict."

"That was one of the many problems in my marriage with Kashal," she admitted. "He expected to be my top priority, and I tried but that's not always possible, and then it's hard not to become resentful."

"So, let's actively try not to do that," Neil offered. "Our situation is not ideal, but I've had a lot of time to think about a lot about alternatives, and they're even worse. You're a good chief. I don't think I ever told you that explicitly, but you are. I don't want you to change or give up that dream or leave St. Bonaventure, unless you actually want that for yourself. But if you left, someone else would be chief and I'd have to deal with them, which would be even worse. Or I'd be chief, but I don't actually want that right now. I like teaching my residents, and I hate paperwork and dealing with the board, and you're really good at that," he was saying these things in part to build up her confidence but mostly because he truly believed them. "I don't know how exactly we can make this work, it's a minefield, and you're right, that's why there's rules against it, but I also think we're better equipped to make this work than most people. I think it's worth it."

Audrey took a deep breath. "I do too," she admitted. "Thank you, Neil," she leaned in for a kiss they'd missed so much.

"Maybe we should start by talking with Glassman," Audrey said tentatively when she leaned back, knowing full well that that was his idea in the first place. "I don't want you to run your surgeries by him," she said confidently. "It would undermine my authority as chief and I think that as much potential there is for us to mess up, I do know what you're capable of and that's an asset too. But we could bring him in as another voice for significant surgeries, and maybe a mediator, for lack of a better term."

"Glassman will love that. Playing babysitter," Neil said sarcastically. "But I think that might be our best course of action for the time being."

"If all else fails, we could talk to Andrews about how he and his wife navigate their relationship," Audrey knew that that was a no-go, for both of them, but she'd missed being able to tease him.

He kissed her soundly and said against her mouth, "Under no circumstances." He leaned back and winked at her, "I'd rather have Murphy mediate us."

...

**Note:**

It took me a WHILE to write this… SO much talking. I don't think either of them likes to talk that much about feelings, but it was kind of the only way I could see them get back together that didn't involve major drama or another death scare. If any of the dialog doesn't ring true or sounds off, feel free to let me know. I'm kinda proud I even managed to finish this at all, but I'm also happy to hear ideas to make it more in line with their on-show characters.

I also have two more scenes planned out, following this one. Nothing as major as this chapter, but I had to let go of some ideas that I really liked so I'm hoping I'll get to post those soon too.


	2. Chapter 2

"Do you want to ride with me or are you taking your bike," Neil asked when he came back to pick her up after talking to Andrews. It wasn't even up for discussion that they would be going home to one of their places tonight and more than likely, it would be Neil's because it was closer and nicer.

"I haven't really enjoyed riding my motorcycle since we broke up," Audrey admitted sadly.

Neil frowned in confusion, "Your helmet is over there, and I think I saw it in the parking garage."

"I can ride to work just fine," she clarified. "But riding fast is my way to decompress, and I haven't been able to focus, except in surgery, so I couldn't ride the Ducati the way I want to."

"Well, maybe that's the one good reason for us to not be together," he said but it was clear that he was setting up a joke. "If it gets you off that organ donor machine."

Audrey rolled her eyes in response. "I seem to remember you liked it just fine when I took you for a ride."

He hadn't liked it, and he'd made it clear at the time that this would be a hobby she should pursue by herself, but he had had his way with her to _celebrate life_ as soon as they were done. "I enjoyed holding on to you and stripping you naked after," he specified. "It's still a death machine."

"I'm as safe as can be when I ride."

"I know. It's your thing, and it's good to have that," he confirmed. They all needed and deserved vices in their line of work. "But maybe tonight we'll do something different to decompress?" he leered, causing her eyes to glint and she left her gear at the office.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm not a marriage counselor," Dr. Glassman grumbled and looked at them from above his spectacles after they had told him about their predicament the next morning.

Lim and Melendez stoically didn't look at each other. That was a whole different can of worms for another day. They had talked some more the night before about how they would make this work, before tabling more detailed discussions because there was such a thing as too much talking, namely when you end up talking yourself out of something you want.

Glassman seemed to be thinking back to the awkward conversation between him and his wife they'd walked in on. How did they expect him to help them navigate their professional relationship when he kept struggling with his own?

"Not a counselor," Lim intentionally left out the marriage part. "Just a surgical consult when it is necessary."

"Are you really sure that this is the way to go?" Glassman prodded.

"We think so," Audrey and Neil looked at each other and back at their former and current mentor. "It's worth it."

"You cannot fight in front of patients or staff. It's completely out of the question," Glassman reiterated. "Or break up and get back together over and over. If being together is what you want, I'm not the person to stop you, but you can't keep going back and forth when things get tough. Figure it out."

If any doubt flashed through their eyes, it was quickly replaced by steely resolve.

"OK, then," Glassman accepted.

"Thank you. If you had said no, Neil suggested we have Shaun mediate," Audrey smiled.

Glassman snickered, "I continue to be amazed at his insights. You could do a lot worse."

Neil rolled his eyes, "Yeah, Andrews."


End file.
